Halloween Horror Movie Marathon Awards Ceremony

Haunted House

Twenty horror films. That’s a pretty decent amount of flicks for my silly little marathon, eh? “Wow, what a massive waste of time,” some of you might be thinking. Yeah… well, so what? I had a blast! Let’s take a look back, shall we?

Twenty movies. Countless deaths. Ghosts, zombies, werewolves, vampires, killer fish, and satanic rituals. Death by poison, drowning, armoire, vat of acid, elevator, truck, and toilet. Two orphanages. Two demonic pregnancies. Multiple personalities. Sex with a vampire. One head in a swimming pool. A talking goat. Insectoid alien memories. Waste of time? I’ve seen things you people wouldn’t believe.

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to the First Annual Halloween Horror Movie Marathon Awards Ceremony! Here’s a list of the nominated films, with their trailers linked:

Piranha 3D
A Tale of Two Sisters
The Devil’s Backbone
The Last Exorcism
Let the Right One In
[REC]
The Orphanage
Drag Me to Hell
Quatermass and the Pit
Deep Red
The House of the Devil
Let Me In
Black Sabbath
House on Haunted Hill
Possession
Ginger Snaps
Thirst
Dead Set
Ju-on: The Grudge
Trick ‘r Treat

The votes have been counted in a dark, secret room underneath my grandma’s old home at a table once used to communicate with Houdini, Satan, and Cthulhu. I had the assistance of the cleverest, savviest demons Lucifer would provide. Votes were written on the wall in blood. It was a noisy, gruesome affair from which I almost didn’t come out alive. I look forward to doing it again next year.

Shall we hand out some accolades? Let’s.

Best Performance: Isabelle Adjani in Possession (Watch if you dare!)

Most Deaths in One Movie: Piranha 3D

Best Death: Girl whose face was ripped off after getting her hair caught in a boat engine’s propeller in Piranha 3D

Most Ridiculous Moment in an Otherwise Great Film: the attack of the cgi cats in Let the Right One In

Best Car Wreck: Let Me In

Most Tragic Ending: A Tale of Two Sisters

Bloodiest Movie: Piranha 3D. By a long shot.

Scariest Movie: [REC], if only for the last few minutes alone.

Most Twisted Scene: SPOILER — Isabelle Adjani having sex with the tentacled creature that was a product of her own miscarriage.

Best Movie in Color I Thought Was Going To Be in Black & White: Black Sabbath

Worst Moviegoing Experience: Trying to see Let Me In at the Tidemark/Century Theaters Hilltop. An annoying flickering on the screen was caused by a problems with the projector lamp. When I went back again with my rain-check, the problem was still there. Ended up seeing the movie at another theater.

Most Clever Title: Ginger Snaps

Best Talking Animal: the goat at the séance in Drag Me to Hell

Skeleton on a string

Cheesiest Moment: the skeleton-on-a-string in House on Haunted Hill

Worst Cinematography: Dead Set for its awful, awful use of shaky-cam during the most interesting parts.

Best Cinematography: Let the Right One In. If I were to make a movie, the tone evoked by this film’s cinematography is exactly what I’d aim for.

Movie I Wanted to Like But Didn’t: Quartermass and the Pit

Movie That Left Me With the Biggest, Evilest Smile: The Last Exorcism

Worst Movie: The House of the Devil

Best Movie: Let the Right One In

There you have it. Congratulations to the winners! I miss the Marathon already. Next year, look for bigger, better, and bloodier movies than ever before!

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